I have discovered that life doesn’t actually knock you down. It does, however, provide you with many opportunities to evaluate your standing in life: what you stand on, what you stand for, how you stand within yourself and for yourself. When you’re standing is weak, you don’t get knocked down. You fall down. You trip over the fallacies and fantasies that you have created or inherited. You slip on your dysfunctional puzzle pieces and your distorted sense of self. Sometimes, if you are lucky, you fall when no one is looking, so you can limp away and lick your wounds privately. More often than not, though, you fall in front of other people, and your dress flies up over your head, exposing your ripped panties to the spectators who are doing their best not to laugh at you. Those who do not laugh, but rush to help you up, often have no idea that your ego is more bruised then your knees.
As a result of my public fall out, I discovered that what I was standing on was quicksand. Thank goodness there were two things I could grab onto and pull myself out of the pit. The first thing I grabbed onto was my unequivocal desire to serve God. The second thing was the love and support of my husband and the amazing friends I have. And never forgetting my love to served God.
The dissolution of my life, the lost of my family and the shift in my career were not my fault. Over and over again that there was something extraordinary that I was being prepared for, and the only thing required of me was to keep my heart open and my mind at peace. All I was experiencing was teaching me to become fully reliant on my inner authority, the power of God within me.
Life can be a hard pill to swallow at times.
One day I sat down and had a conversation with a friend. After I shared my story with him and asked him if I was moving in the right direction, he not only supported me, he encouraged me to do it all in the name of my Father “ Chicho”. He said, follow the Buddhist tradition of taking your sorrow and sadness and doing something positive with it in the name of someone you love. That is exactly what I did, for the past two years, I have been starting over. Can I tell you, I’ve gotten what’s real now, real friends, and real love of family.Those were the two most productive and healing years of my life. Even so, they were just preparation for what was to come next.
Love always Alexis